Defintion of Human
Round 2, Part 1
StarWindDancer

"It's a bomb shelter," Scully said patiently as she watched her partner and the petite blonde search the room for other secret entrances that Mulder insisted were there.

"The military doesn't abandon anything idly. We've seen that before, haven't we, Scully. Supposedly abandoned military basis is usually where we find the most interesting stuff."

"The military didn't build this, Mulder. Paranoid college students did. I'm surprised *you* don't have a secret bomb shelter, Mulder."

"Umm."

"You do! How come you never told me about it?"

"It was supposed to be a secret."

"Look, lady, there has to be something here. No vamp, no monster, no nothing. This close to campus this should be a lair for something but there is no sign of demon activity."

"Lady?!?"

"The point is, I know Sunnydale, I know where vamps like to hide, this is a great place for a hidey hole but nothing' here. Has to be a reason. I'm thinking commandos." Buffy turns to Spike who was studying the stuff on a nearby shelf, and taking it. "Back me up here. This place is loads better then a crypt."

"Better then a crypt, luv, but not very vamp home. Some bloke been in here an' recently." He picked up a flashlight. "Fresh human and brimstone. Somethin' that like 'ta hunt."

"Brimstone?"

"Gunpowder, 120 year old vamp, remember. Brimstone they understand, guns they don't."

"Oy, guns I know. Got shot 256 times once. Better then Bonnie and Clyde, me an' Dru was. 'course guns don' do nothin but slow us down. We ate the posse anyway."

"The Ipswich Massacre." Mulder perked up from his fruitless search. "In 1934, just months after Bonnie and Clyde, a note was sent into the sheriff's department saying that a pair of bank thieves were going to roll into town and steal everything in sight. The town, naturally, set up an ambush. The pair drove into town at the appointed time and the posse riddled the car and the people inside with bullets. No bodies were ever found despite the massive amounts of blood covering the car. Every member of the ambush was killed, exsanginated. Only marks on the bodies of the victims were tiny puncture marks on their necks. Was that you?"

Spike shrugged. "Might 'o been. Sounds about right, though we weren't the only vamp pair that got ideas. Hear that Kate and Jesse tried it too." Spike shrugged, "easy to get bored after a hundred years or so. Darla and Angelus might 'o tried it in the good old days."

*Kaaathump* A mace imbedded itself into the wall inches away from Spike's head.

"OY, watch what you' throwin, Slayer."

"Not helping, Spike. Me Slayer, you vamp. Keep the massacre talk to a minimum, unless you want to become my Hoover's new dream date."

"Talk like that, makes a bloke think you don't like him."

"I am nauseated by you, Spike."

Spike just shrugged at that, leaving Mulder and Scully confused by their friendly bantering.

"There's nothing here," Scully said. "Maybe there is a bomb shelter attached to another building we can look through and get all dusty."

"There's somethin here, Dana-heart, jus' have ta know how ta look." With that Spike pulled the mace out of the wall and walked to another one. "This one, has possibilities, it does."

Spike vamped out and swung the mace as hard as he could against the wall. The stone masonry crumbled from the impact, revealing an empty shaft behind. With a few more swings, Spike had revealed that there was a door built into the wall, cleverly hidden from prying eyes.

"You knew that was there!" Buffy yelled, grabbing back her mace then using the flashlight that Spike had gotten earlier to look up and down the shaft. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

"Wasn't as much fun."

"I'll show you fun..." Buffy continued to mumble as she investigated the shaft.

"Wow, you really are a vampire." Mulder's eyes were lit up like a five year old's on Christmas. He took a step towards Spike, intent on looking at his face in more detail but Scully's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"He's a... not a..."

"Think ta word your lookin for is vampire."

"Cool." Mulder smirked. "So you could tell the door was there, how? Supernatural sight, animalistic sense of smell, keen hearing?"

"Nope, saw the scrape marks on the floor." Spike pointed out the aforementioned marks.

"But a... he can..." Scully kept on. "No, he can't be a vampire, he may suffer from vampiric delusions and the facial distortion could be excessive muscle tissue similar to Eddie Van Blundht's abnormalities. The Vampire cover may be to rationalize the facial distortion and the aberrant strength."

"No, just a vampire. Here, feel, no heart beat," Spike took Scully's hand into his, pressing it against his chest. His sky blue eyes boring into hers. He took a step further, until he could feel her hot breath across his skin, hear her blood racing through her veins. "Room temperature, no need to breath. A vampire." Spike leaned further into the entranced Scully when he suddenly cried out in pain. Then came a string of incoherent curses as Spike backed away from Scully holding his head.

"Serves you right."

"Was just gonna take a taste, is all.

"No snaking on the Fibbies."

"What happened?" Mulder asked, confused about why the Idol twin was hurting.

"The commando people neutered Spike, cut off his cahonas. Every time he feels a little peckish for fresh blood, a chip lights up his head like the Avengers Stadium."

"Oy, not a eunuch. Just can't bite people, can't feed."

Buffy shrugged, "Same dif."

Spike was about to retort back when they heard rumbling. Buffy directed her flashlight into the shaft to reveal two cords moving in opposite direction. Looks like someone had activated the elevator they found.

-oo0oo-

Deana is next