Title: The "Eyes" Have It

Author: Josan and Solan

Summary: Entry into the "First Time" Challenge

Pairing: M/Sk

Rating: PG

Warning: Humour in the PWP mode

Archive: Sure, Archive X, Gossamer: anywhere else, please tell us.


Comments: jmann@mondenet.com

DISCLAIMER: Ils ne sont pas a nous, mais on les aime quand meme. [They don't belong to us, but we love them all the same] But they do belong to CC and 1013, and, so we are only borrowing them.


The "Eyes" Have It

by Josan and Solan



The stage setting is Mulder's office in the sub-basement of FBI Headquarters.

Dark lighting.

Faint sounds of Christmas music in the background.

Small fake Christmas tree on top of filing cabinet, with little alien decorations. (Obviously a gift from Scully.)

Only light on is the one on Mulder's desk.

Mulder is sitting behind the desk, working on a file, glasses slipping off his nose. Unconsciously pushes them back up with a fingertip.

Door suddenly bangs open.

An obviously drunk Skinner stumbles through, breathing heavily, chest rising and falling rapidly. No tie. No glasses. Shirt partially unbuttoned, tails out.

Slams door shut. Back to door, slides down to sit on the floor.

Mulder watches all this over the top of his glasses.



Sir? (standing, concern in his voice) Sir?


(Deep breaths to calm himself) God, Mulder! What are you doing here? There shouldn't be anyone down here. Why aren't you at the party? Everyone's at the party.

Even Scully.


I had some work to finish off, sir. Sir? Are you feeling okay? You look a bit flushed.


(Licks his lips. Uses the back of his hand to remove something off his lips.)

Yuck! Flavoured lipstick! Why do women wear that junk?


(raises an eyebrow)

Lipstick? (Rising note of interest)

(Takes in Skinner's appearance)

Has someone been attacking you, sir?

(Moves closer to a nervy Skinner)


Kim! You wouldn't believe the change a couple of drinks made in her. Just because I am a newly divorced man doesn't mean I'm easy. Can you believe it, she cornered me

in the photocopy room. Said I was tense lately. Offered to relax me. Wouldn't take no for an answer! Said it would be dangerous for my health if I did without sex after having had it regularly for so long. That's what she said!


(Trying hard not to laugh, to commiserate)

Sir. You know how women are. They always think they're the answer to any of our problems. Was she rough with you?


(Looking up)

It was horrible. I tried to get away from her, but she was all hands.

(Rising note of outrage) She took my glasses! She was like an octopus! Hands in my shirt! In my pants! All over me! Thank God AD Kersh came along. Yelled at her for having her foot up on the photocopier. When she put it down, I managed to make my escape. Oh, Mulder, I feel so used! I never knew being a divorced man would make me open season. I've even noticed Scully looks at me differently.


(Beginning to feel sorry for Skinner's predicament)

I'm sure it's only your imagination, sir. Agent Scully never looks at FBI agents that way. She has too much respect for you, sir, to treat you that way. As for Kim, well you know what they say about Administrative Assistants...proximity and all that.


Thought I'd hide out here for a while. No one would think of looking for me here.


(Slightly insulted)

Of course not. Why would anyone voluntarily come down here?

Skinner hiccups. Smell of alcohol reaches Mulder's sensitive nose. Mulder sniffs disapprovingly.



Maybe you should use this opportunity to grab a little shut eye, sir. Till you feel more like yourself.


(Insulted) I don't need to feel more like myself! I'm perfectly alright. Just overwrought by Kim's near rape. If I wanted sex, I would get it myself.


(Placatingly) I'm sure you would, sir.


Mulder goes to his closet, gets a blanket from the upper shelf, shakes it open, then goes and wraps it around Skinner's shoulders.



Until then, why don't you take this blanket and wrap it around yourself. The floor's a bit cold.


Mulder's face finally comes into focus for Skinner. Mulder smiles benignly at Skinner who is suddenly attracted to Mulder's eyes.



Agent Mulder, I never realized what beautiful eyes you have. They're forever changing colour.


Mulder blushes. Is beginning to feel uncomfortable with Skinner's steady gaze. Skinner pushes the blanket off his shoulders. Slowly gets to his feet, his hands on Mulder's shoulders. Mulder straightens up.



Like now. Before they were grey and now they're hazel.


Scully would have an explanation I'm sure, sir.


Mulder is backing away from Skinner, nervously. Skinner follows. Mulder keeps on retreating; Skinner, advancing.



She always has an answer. (Has Mulder against the desk, Mulder moves to filing cabinet) Even if you don't want to hear it.


She means well, sir.

(Back against filing cabinet, Skinner right there with him)


Now they're green.


(In a slightly higher pitched voice)

What, sir?

(Skinner removes Mulder's glasses)

Sir! (Squeaking)


Mulder ducks under Skinners arm only to be caught and pushed against the I WANT TO BELIEVE poster.



I never knew what beautiful eyes you had till you put on your glasses, Fox.


Mulder swallows convulsively, nervously bites his lips. Skinner puts out a hand and gently soothes the mark from Mulder's lower lip.



Don't mistreat your beautiful mouth. That beautiful pouty mouth.


Skinner swoops in for a kiss. Long. Deep. Mulder's hands come up in protest, pushing ineffectually against Skinner's chest. Skinner ignores the hands, pulls Mulder more closely along the length of his body, Skinner can feel Mulder's heartbeat skittering out of control. Deepens, if that's possible, the kiss.



(Tears his mouth away, gasping)

SIR! (Shocked)


Shut up, Mulder.


Skinner swoops down again. Muffled protest from Mulder. Unable to pull away, Mulder raises a leg to disarm Skinner but comes into contact with Skinner's protruding hard-on. Skinner moans and grinds his hips against Mulder. Mulder freezes for a second then slowly responds to the feel of Skinner's hips grinding against his own, to the taste of Skinner's mouth.

Entwined bodies slide to the floor, out of camera range.

Romantic music fills the office.

From below, Mulder's voice



Where is that music coming from?



Shut up, Fox.


Camera focus closes in on the I WANT TO BELIEVE poster.

Fade out.